Comments on: Friend break-ups

By: Yoda

Yoda — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 16:00:51 +0000

This does sound like a curable problem, but the question is, do you have the time/energy to cure it?

I think its fundamentally difficult to stay friends with someone who’s from so far back into your past. People change a lot during this phase of their life. So, don’t beat yourself up on it. You changed and she changed.

By: brookem

brookem — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 18:46:57 +0000

i think this is a natural thing that sometimes happens with friendships. like i wrote about in a recent post… sometimes different friendships just serve different purposes. they don’t always have to last for… forever, and that doesn’t mean that they weren’t valuable and meaningful and doesn’t make them matter any less.

i think in this situation, like some others said, if it’s not something you feel up to addressing with her, aren’t really interested in trying to “fix” it because there’s not a black and white here to fix, then i would just let it take it’s course. you never know what will happen in the future…

By: Just Me

Just Me — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 18:39:17 +0000

Just in the fact of posting this, I am sure you know the friendship has run its course. I think we all get to this place sometimes with the people in our lives. I am sure you have changed as well from the person she once knew. Being good friends in high school doesn’t mean that she is the kind of friend you need or want now as an adult. I agree that a break up is called for. Can you think how you would handle this if she was a guy that you once had a great past with but now were embarrassed to be around, had little in common with, and returned the calls of begrudgingly? You’d end the relationship ((I hope!)). Only once did I actually sit someone down and say I can’t hang out & be friends with you anymore because of this-this-and this. That was mostly because I was worried about her behavior when drinking and sure we would continue to see each other at other mutual events. Most of my friend-breakups have resulted in not seeing or talking to the person any longer and having a slow fizzle.

By: Brett

Brett — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 08:01:00 +0000

Being maybe a bit old for this blog, i still feel a need to comment. Over the years i have lost lots of friend (or have they lost me), both on my own or as a couple, and for the most part it is down to changes in their or my life, kids are a big deal breaker as is siding with my best friend after he ran off with my fiancée. But at the same time new people come around to fill the gaps. Over all i feel the new ones out weight the old although i still miss some of them.

By: Eric1313

Eric1313 — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 06:32:14 +0000

That’s sad. I of course am uber-familiar with your tale, being a loyal blog reader (::gulp:: yes, I may be considered such once more, even after a long exile) of yours. Changing names does not fool me! Not that I know the real “Carol”.

I think you should talk to her about it one day. If you do so, that will be the equivalent of “growing a pair”, as you say your man is fond of telling you. From there you can resume the 6 month coffee, or you can let it slide into the past. The ball, so to speak, will be in her court.

I hate trite cliches, but it’s the truth. She needs to decide and act upon her decision if she values the friendship, because anyone who knows you knows that you have tried your share, her share and even a third party’s share in attempting to save the friendship.

It’s all good, you get the smiley face medal. You tried and I bet you will probably keep trying longer than needed or expected.

But that’s ’cause you are who you are.

And that’s why we likes ya!

By: michelle woo

michelle woo — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 04:35:16 +0000

I too have friends that I’m clutching onto for the sake of history and nostalgia. One in particular whom I envisioned would be one of my bridesmaids one day. It’s been a slow fade and I keep telling myself that we’ll fix things eventually. Sad, really.

By: EmmaElizabeth

EmmaElizabeth — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 04:04:20 +0000

I feel like i can see both sides… I think on one hand, I’ve been that “me me me” friend, but on the other hand- I’ve been on the side where it was too much work to be in the friendship because of how the friend made me feel. (*same friendship- one specific situation). Firstly, I am one of those people who have finally reached the point where I’m ok with just dropping people from my life. But the friendship much similar to what you describe…. I tried and tried and tried to make it work. It just didn’t. So…if you feel you’re working too hard and not getting anything out of it- it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been friends, things have changed and it’s ok to let go.

By: e.

e. — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 01:12:34 +0000

I’ve had a couple of friend break ups that were really painful but in some ways, the “back burner” friendships are even harder to deal with because there’s this gray area but no real definition of the relationship. I tend to stop returning calls and e-mails and just kind of let things go.

By: alexa

alexa — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 23:47:21 +0000

sometimes friend break ups can be worse that lover relationships.

yes, i said loooover. haha

By: maris

maris — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 21:44:17 +0000

I experienced a very painful friendship breakup this year - it was actually more like 10 at once, because a bunch of my friends stopped speaking to me because they didn’t like a guy I was dating. No one ever really told me what was wrong - just kind of zapped all communication.

In my experience the best friendships evolve over time - some of my closest friends are those I’ve known the longest, but not necessarily the crowd that I hang out with regularly. I believe that there are places in our lives for all different types of friendships and that not all fit into one mold, not all are created equal.